I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
