i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
