i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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