I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
