who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
