he puts the penis in happiness.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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