So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
