I wish I could teleport
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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