i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
