so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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