1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
