I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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