youre lurking in front of me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
