You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
