The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
