Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
