sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
