That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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