In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
