I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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