Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
