She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
