I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
