I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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