She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
