Your face is a jimmy john
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
