Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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