There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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