is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
