the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
