Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is Oprah even human
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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