So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
