no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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