we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
