I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
