Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
