Buhtt sex?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
