He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
