I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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