you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
