I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
