What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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