I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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