She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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