I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
