i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
