haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
