i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
