is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
