Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Say something about gay babies.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
