i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found your dick twin last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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